Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i came on her dog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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