The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
