I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
