umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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