SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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