Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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