Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

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(256): View more from Alabama

I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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(207): View more from Maine

you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment

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(716): View more from New York

u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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(404): View more from Georgia

The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties

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