it was like eating out sand paper
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
