Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state

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(530): View more from California

My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.

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(954): View more from Florida

Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌

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