i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia