i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.