I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened