Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

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  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (106) Good night (22992) Bad night (1012)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  eat her like coffee?

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  (720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99
  Replies (19) Good night (1274) Bad night (3267)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time

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  (505): Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time http://tfl.nu/wts0
  Replies (9) Good night (806) Bad night (2774)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope

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  (301): You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope http://tfl.nu/v6u5
  Replies (2) Good night (3878) Bad night (530)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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  (614): I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now http://tfl.nu/fog4
  Replies (9) Good night (3423) Bad night (762)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"

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  (212): Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers" http://tfl.nu/w9dn
  Replies (8) Good night (3757) Bad night (743)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

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  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (5046) Bad night (3310)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.

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  (519): Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten. http://tfl.nu/vjjo
  Replies (24) Good night (5082) Bad night (832)
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  (916): View more from California

  It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

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  (916): It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable. http://tfl.nu/6byi
  Replies (7) Good night (3377) Bad night (1471)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

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  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (5218) Bad night (1507)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?

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  (513): I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means? http://tfl.nu/ni5g
  Replies (12) Good night (4087) Bad night (972)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?

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  (360): Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life? http://tfl.nu/1n7v
  Replies (14) Good night (4009) Bad night (799)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?

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  (615): Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night? http://tfl.nu/hddi
  Replies (11) Good night (1954) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.

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  (585): Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend. http://tfl.nu/49qc
  Replies (8) Good night (1037) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.

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  (407): Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class. http://tfl.nu/mt7c
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (174)

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