i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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