Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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