i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
