I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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