I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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