another moral hangover. fuck.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
