I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sarcasm needs its own font
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
