I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Your mouth is God's brothel.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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