wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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