NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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