I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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