i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
