You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
