READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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