I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
