when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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