i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it because I queefed?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
