Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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