Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
