I seem to have left my pride at pride
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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