Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize