hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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