Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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