so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
