I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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