I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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