you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
