I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
only if we run a train.
done.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
