Me. At least after what I've been through.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
