What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize