You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
