I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
