i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
