i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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