I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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