Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
