Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
