You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
