end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
cat food counts as protein by the way
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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