the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
