At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
