I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
