Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
