my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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