and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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