It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
