Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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