I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize