took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
