I didn't shave. On purpose
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
