I wanna bring you to show and tell
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.