I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.