i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife