Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.