Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's