My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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