It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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