Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
