Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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