i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize