just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
