1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
